Single in the Suburbs: Guide to a successful first date

This week, Felicity Fox draws on her own dating experiences to give advice on what to do and what not to do during that all important first date.

They say you have to kiss a lot frogs before you meet your prince, and I have certainly been on my fair share of first dates over the years. Some good, some bad, most drunken. But perhaps my worst was in my second year at university with a guy named Sean.

Sean broke every rule in the dating manual, he turned up chatting loudly on his mobile, wearing a knitted jumper and far too much bleach in his hair. He talked about himself the whole evening and at the end of the night he darted away from me so quickly he was nearly ran over by a bus.

In spite of Sean doing everything wrong, I was still upset when he didn’t contact me again and always thought of him as ‘the one that got away’ More recently, I went on a date with a guy that did everything right, but without that vital ingredient – chemistry.

I met wine-tasting guy (let’s call him WTG) at the dating evening in Infernos a while back. I vaguely remembered him as being the best of the bunch, so when he emailed asking me out for a drink I said yes.

I suggested heading to The Tram and Social, in Tooting, which was round the corner from us both. It seemed a perfect venue for a Sunday evening, when it is generally a lot quieter with no live music. Plus it’s always a good idea to arrange a first date somewhere local so you can make a quick exit if things don’t go according to plan.

It’s also important to show good manners, so with a mixture of pre-date nerves and excitement I arrived at the venue at 7.30pm on the dot.

WTG seemed pleased to see me there, and reciprocated the good dating etiquette by offering to buy the first round of drinks at the bar.

I opted for half a lager and then went on to soft drinks, as I know from past experience that getting drunk on a first date is a recipe for disaster. You either end up revealing far too much about yourself or, worse-case scenario you’re sick over yourself and them. (Yes that did happen once).

It was nice to see WTG had made an effort with his appearance by wearing a clean shirt and good shoes. First impressions really do count on a first date, so take the time to do a bit of self-preening.

Settling down in a quiet corner of the bar we began the process of getting to know one another, but this is where it all fell flat. Although WTG seemed attractive and pleasant, I knew there was no chemistry between us. We didn’t have an awful lot in common and the conversation didn’t flow as well as it did back at the wine tasting evening – probably due to the lack of alcohol.

We ended the date waving “see you soon” and a silent mutual agreement that we probably wouldn’t.

In hindsight I wished we’d arranged to do an activity such as ice skating or bowling, rather than just sitting in a pub. At least then we would have had something else to occupy us with when the conversation ran dry.

But a tall, dark and handsome-looking guy has asked me out from a dating website, so I composed a list of the fun and original things we can do on a first date while keeping it local. I’m not sure if he's the adventurous type as I'm still waiting on his reply.

Here were a few of my suggestions

Try a dance class: The Bedford, in Balham, runs swing and salsa classes on Tuesdays and Wednesday evenings. A great way to have some fun while also seeing if you’re compatible on the dance floor.Visit thebedford.co.uk

Go greyhound racing: A visit to Wimbledon Dog Stadium may not be romantic but at least it will give you something to get excited about if your date isn’t going well and you manage to place a winning bet.Visit lovethedogs.co.uk/wimbledon/home.aspx.

Take a boat trip along the River Thames: A romantic alternative to sitting in a pub or bar, and will provide a better environment to relax and make conversation.

Try a fencing class: If you’re both sport fans, Tooting Leisure Centre runs fencing classes on Saturday mornings, and will provide a fun and original dating experience where you can try learning something new.Visit dcleisurecentres.co.uk/Centres/Greater+London/Tooting+Leisure+Centre/Tooting+Leisure+Centre

That’s from the lady’s perspective, but Dr Love gives a male point of view on how to have a successful first date.....

Keep it basic – don't talk about work too much. Try and chat about each other’s hobbies and interests, background, travel experiences and tastes in film and music. But let it all flow. Don’t go through a checklist. If you find you have something in common, don't over-egg it.

On a first date, NEVER talk about ex-girlfriends, salaries, money issues, other girls you fancy, how many dates you go on, any addictions you may have, and anything that is low-brow or distasteful.

Always compliment a lady, tell her she looks nice and be friendly, warm and attentive. Try and remember things she tells you about herself. And never, ever lie.

If it’s gone well, arrange a second date towards the end of the evening, maybe as you’re leaving the restaurant. Always offer to walk the lady home, or see her to the train station, bus stop or taxi rank. If things have moved a little faster, play it cool and see what happens.

Always pay the bill, unless the lady is uncomfortable with this. Remember, if you have asked her out, it is ultimately up to you to show her a good time.

Forget about so-called rules like the three-day rule. If you like someone, why would you want to play games with them? Be confident and sincere.

Felicity Fox is also on Twitter. Follow @singleinsuburbs