I'm going to an engagement party on Saturday night. I will only know one person there, and they are neither the bride or groom - it's my delicious galpal Laura, who invited me and Craig (the Boyfriend, as he has previously styled himself), mostly for the purpose of getting dolled up, going to a swanky bar in Hammersmith and riding the coattails of a couple we don't know to the happy land of Rat Arsed.

Which, as if I ever needed an excuse to do that, sounded like a good enough reason to me. But the prevailing reason now is solely so I may actually lay eyes on the Bride to Be. It will be the first time I've ever been in the physical presence of an honest-to-God Bridezilla.

From what thus-far limited information I have on the woman, she sounds like a nightmare. The best story at the moment (may there be many more), is that she has informed her hubby-to-be that he is only permitted half of his side of the church pews. The other half - and her half - is to be filled with her presumably much more important chums. Lovely.

But now I'm feeling skttish about attending this soiree at all, as I can't shake the nagging feeling we'll be shot on sight:

(from a chat we had on Facebook today)

Laura : "(The Groom) just wrote about Sat night on my wall, if you read it you will see what the situation is is, wont be offended if you can't be arsed to come it all sounds a bit strict."

So I looked at what he had to say. Which was: "just with regards to friends and all that, (The Bride) has told a load of her mates that they can't bring friends, so wanted to give you a heads up..."

Jennie : "Wow, she told her friends THEY couldn't bring friends? Is this the same girl who told him he could only have about three pews in the church for his family and friends? She sounds like a bitch on wheels. Well, do you think it's a good idea if we come? Or is she likely to set the hounds on us?"

Laura : "I KNOW WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!!!!!!!!! It is indeed the wicked witch."

Jennie : "Ah screw it, I have to lay eyes on this woman now! Craig and I are going to get hammered and talk in very loud voices about the divorce statistics in this country. ParTAY!!"

Laura : " HeeeeeHaaaar !!"

Unseemly? Maybe. Someone else's party, therefore they make the rules? Most certainly. But Bridezilla behaviour like that is just so unbecoming, that, if you ask me, those who insist on behaving in that fashion deserve a couple of drunken boors at their engagement party.

By the way....

Laura : "I saw Selma Blair on the the cover of Dazed and Confused and you look so alike x"

Me (thinking): "Huh? Really? Well there you go. It would certainly be nice to think so, given how haggard and tired and utterly unpresentable I feel today. Just how is Selma Blair looking these days anyway?"

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1226/1448107984_2adf74445e.jpg

"SWEEEEEEEEEET"