Isn’t it marvellous news eh? Isn’t it marvellous news? You know, for the royal couple, isn’t it marvellous?

Ever so ’umble, ever so ’umble. Shine your shoes Your Royal Highness, shine your shoes? Matches sir, roasted chestnuts? Ever so ’umble, Ever so ’umble.

Come on Mr Curmudgeon, how can you take the mick, the royals do such a good job?

They’ve served this country well for years and years; I mean, look at the Queen; 60 years of living in a palace and waving at people. Well someone has to do it. Ever so ’umble, Ever so ’umble.

And think of the tourists they attract. Because, if we didn’t have a royal family no one would want to go on the London Eye or visit the Tower of London would they? And then where would we be? Ever so ’umble, Ever so ’umble.

But, Mr Curmudgeon, they’re good ambassadors for this country, especially the younger ones, you know, being photographed at parties naked in Las Vegas, or dressed as Nazis. We need good ambassadors.

We haven’t got, err, people called “ambassadors” to do that have we? And have you heard Cameron and Osborne are capping benefits? That’ll teach those damn scroungers, eh.

Imagine, us taxpayers giving our hard-earned cash for some family to live in a big house at our expense. Oh hang on. But that’s different isn’t it? Ever so ’umble, Ever so ’umble.

And what about the new baby’s name. Why George? What’s wrong with something like Jayden? That’s a really good name. King Jayden. No, that’s too “sarrf Landan”.

We need something more prosaic. How about Craig? King Craig. We’ve had a King John, why not a Craig? Ever so ’umble, ever so ’umble.