Have you ever thought what you’d do if you had a bit of power?

I don’t mean Robert Mugabe mad dictator power, but just a small amount of power.

The power to make people’s lives just very slightly more bearable.

The first thing I’d do is ban car alarms.

This thought came to me on Tuesday night – balmy, close, muggy, call it what you want – when the sound of a persistent car alarm was, er, driving me up the wall as it permeated my open window and stopped me sleeping.

And as it was too hot to close the window I had to put up with it.

I didn’t get up to investigate of course. And neither did any of my neighbours. We just let it carry on.

And that’s my point. When have you ever seen anyone go out of their way to investigate a car alarm?

Never. Correct answer. I’ve seen people complain about the irritating noise, joke about feeding the owner of the vehicle into a wood chipper upon his return, or throwing a brick through the car window, but never once have I seen anyone go and look for car thieves.

And, so, based on that strict, scientific study, I would ban them. They’re noise pollution.

If anyone thinks differently I am prepared to listen. We could meet up, spend a few hours discussing your point of view. And then decide I was right all along.

And how about police sirens? Two days a week I work in an office next to a police station and on a main route to a hospital. The sirens are seemingly endless.

Why can’t they be silenced and replaced with a Victorian gentlemen in a large stovepipe hat walking in front of the police cars waving a big flag? What could go wrong?