Wouldn’t it be great to be able to take bikes on trains during rush hour?
 

I mean full-sized bikes – not the folding variety that can transform into a lump of metal the size of a postage stamp.

No, I mean the bigger beasts that don’t make a grown Englishman look ridiculous when he’s riding them.

Although, I must admit, it’s hard to look any more ridiculous when you’re already wearing a high visibility tabard and a helmet.
 

This “bikes on trains” thought entered my head when I needed to get from Kingston to Sutton one morning after a bike malfunction.
 

I was approaching Kingston Bridge on two wheels, felt a bump as I cycled over something sharp, and – as my tyre gradually deflated – I could be heard to shout: “Thank you God! I hope you’re proud of yourself you rotten *******.”
 

Yes, I’m going to Hell; but at least it’s warm down there.

And I’ll be away from people such as Thora Hird and Aled Jones. So every cloud, eh.
 

And so, without the necessary tools to fix the puncture (there is a lesson there somewhere) I thought I’d take my bike with me on the train.

Until I realised it’s not allowed. And it would annoy everyone... you know, curmudgeons and the like.
 

I fully understand why South West Trains has this policy of course.
 

It’s bad enough crammed into a train vestibule (I still don’t know what that means) with a million other commuters (I may have overestimated the number somewhat) without some herbert trying to force a bike on there.
 

But I’m sure, back in the mists of time, some train companies let you put your bike in a type of storage carriage at the back of the train.

The “guard’s carriage” or something. Or did I imagine this?