Domestic abuse, it’s one of those things that you hear about a lot. Perhaps through magazine articles, TV soaps, or even through some crude, distasteful jokes (I must admit I’ve heard a few of these). It’s an issue that exists but not one that’s particularly relevant, right? I mean, it only affects certain types of people, doesn’t it? It’s not something that could never happen to someone like you, could it?

Well, if you agree with any of these that’s where you may need to think again.

On Wednesday 11th March, Croydon High School hosted the National Council of Young Women’s 2015 conference. The topic, as you may have guessed: domestic abuse.

The annual conferences aim to raise awareness on critical social issues and educate attendees on misconceptions and the reality. And this year’s conference did exactly that. It presented a rounded view of domestic abuse from the perspective of the law, the victim and supportive organisations.

The conference was extremely eye-opening and showed that domestic abuse is far more common, and serious than it is usually portrayed to be, affecting an average of one in four women and one in six men in their lifetime. This led me into doing some research of my own.

On average, two women in the UK are killed each week by an abusive partner. What’s more, through a survey I conducted on 75 people, a staggering 58% knew someone who had been a victim of domestic abuse. Whilst the general rate of abuse is declining it is still frighteningly prevalent.

So what is it about our modern, seemingly progressive society that allows such abuse of those who should be loved ones?

Smartphones, social media and the internet as a whole makes it increasingly possible for possessiveness and control. For those in abusive relationships, fear of stigmatisation often prevents them speaking out. Many abuse victims hold a misconception that telling someone will lead to judging and disbelief (it really won’t, it’s far more likely to lead to some resolution). Manipulation lowers self-esteem anyway, and some may feel that maintaining a façade of a perfect relationship, or protecting the person they supposedly love, is a preferable option. Men have the added threat of supposed de-masculinisation and as well, lack the legal standing women have. A similar problem exists for the LGBT community, as abuse that is not man-on-woman, is not generally as thought about.

I mentioned jokes earlier, and something I’ve noticed is that we do tend to normalise domestic abuse through popular culture. I was listening to a song recently and the singer prided himself on being feared “like a wife-beater”. Not only is that a completely insensitive and bizarre lyric, but it shouldn’t be acceptable. Making abuse the norm encourages people to turn a blind eye and trivialises the issue when it is serious and really potentially life-threatening.

The release of the new 50 Shades of Grey film has also sparked controversy as protesting group, 50 Shades of Domestic Abuse, have found many cross-overs between the character of Christian Grey and characteristics of domestic abusers. I’m by no means an expert;  I haven’t read the books or seen the film to judge but they present a convincing argument. They claim they have nothing against people seeing the film but rather want to open debate about how it does romanticise abuse. They’ve got people talking and that is exactly what needs to be done.

We live in a society where issues like domestic abuse, rape and mental illnesses are still seen as taboo, as something that shouldn’t be spoken about.

But if we continue this way nothing will change.

Like many social issues, education is vital. It it’s lacking, it becomes easier for victims to fall into abusive relationships and for perpetrators to become abusive. When in an abusive relationship, many victims may not even recognise the signs of abuse, again showing the immense need for education.

In my survey I found that whilst many felt the media provided them with some insight into domestic abuse, only 24% felt they had received this thorough education at school, and I’m assuming many of these people were attendees at the conference. Furthermore, for those who have grown up with abuse being the norm, education is even more vital to break the cycle. Obviously not all those who experience abuse at a young age will go on to be a perpetrator but it is a risk factor.

Earlier this month, on International Women’s Day, there was a billboard campaign at train stations in London and Birmingham. It forced people to face the realities of abuse, but that’s not enough. We need to get people talking more; there should be no taboo. The sexual double standard that still exists in the law needs to go. Abuse is abuse regardless of gender. Nobody who speaks out should ever be judged, because it takes courage and they’re so brave for doing so.

If you take nothing else away from this article, at least remember that #loveshouldnthurt.

 

Yasmeen Ameer,  Croydon High School