Bridge Banter: Chelsea boss leads a merry dance (From Your Local Guardian)

Bridge Banter: Chelsea boss leads a merry dance

2:00pm Friday 16th September 2011

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Being six rows behind the Chelsea dugout for Tuesday’s floodlit Champions League game against Bayer Leverkusen meant a ringside seat to watch Andre Villas-Boas cavort.

The missus must have to strap him to the sofa when the Match of the Day music starts.

As both Blues goals came in the last 25 minutes, there was a relatively uneventful hour to study his choreography.

He begins modestly. A stride takes him into the Stamford Bridge technical area, where he stands, one arm on his hip, the other stretched in front, as if discovering America.

Then, without warning, he drops to his haunches, like a large chicken urgently needing to lay an egg.

Moments later, he has sprung back to his feet to hold both arms out, impersonating Rio’s famous statue of Christ.

This is followed by a sideways shuffle, a backward lean, a squat-thrust, and an odd one-armed shrug straight out of the Jose Mourinho manual of impatient gestures.

A lull in play does bring a , brief return to his perch next to Roberto Di Matteo. There will be some swift whispering, then he bounces up again to restart the routine.

Dressed in white shirt, tie and monogrammed suit, AVB looks as if he’s being operated by a giant puppeteer in the east stand.

Occasionally, players and match officials will pause to admire his movements, watching the contortions with amused puzzlement.

By half-time, I’d worked out what it really all looked like; an anglepoise lamp let loose on an 80s dancefloor.

When returning centre back David Luiz scored the Blues’ first goal, AVB was too exhausted to celebrate properly. He had a sip of water instead.

When Juan Mata converted the second in stoppage time, after an unselfish pass from Fernando Torres, AVB looked ready to drop.

Maybe he could market his frantic routine as an exercise programme, but I’m not sure many people’s knees could take it.

The dance class moves to Old Trafford this weekend.

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