• From July 20, 1990

Sick jokes submitted by schoolchildren to a church magazine in Surbiton provoked outrage among residents who claimed they were in extremely bad taste.

But the four offensive wisecracks which appeared in the July 1990 issue of the St Andrew and St Mark parish magazine were laughed off by the vicar who said they were just “typical examples of what children find hilariously funny”.

Sent by children aged between seven and 11, from St Andrew’s and St Mark’s Church of England Junior School in Maple Road, Surbiton, the gags were: What’s pink and hard? A pig with a flick knife.

  • What’s green and red and goes round? Kermit in a liquidiser.
  • What’s blue and sits in a corner? A baby with a plastic bag.
  • What’s got four legs and an arm? A rottweiler.

One disgusted resident, who refused to give his name, told the Comet: “How desperate is the Church of England to attract worshippers to publish jokes such as these?

“A suffocated baby is no joke and neither are flick knives. It is obvious by its content that children are encouraged to read this magazine so I wonder what their parents’ views are on the subject.”

Another worried local said: “These jokes are in the same magazine as excerpts from the Bible and the times of church services. How can the vicar justify using such so-called gags?”

The vicar of St Mark’s, Canon David Jackson, stressed the jokes were just part of a chapter written by members of the junior school and had not meant to offend.

He said: “They followed some beautiful poems written by the children and a piece about their headmaster. I wanted the youngsters to have a voice in the magazine and show what kind of things make them laugh.”

Canon Jackson admitted he had not made the section very clear and readers might not have known they had been written by children.

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