House of hope: Inside Kingston's woman's refuge for domestic abuse victims

From the outside, the Hestia refuge looks like a fair-sized, quiet house in the middle of a middle class street, but inside it is full of women and children who have been forced to leave their family homes because of an escalating pattern of serious abuse by partners.

The refuge has the feel of a hostel or bed and breakfast. Women exchange shy pleasantries when they meet in the communal areas and the rooms are full of bunk beds where mothers sleep below their children. All needs are catered for, but it certainly is not a home.

For 10 years, Salma – not her real name – was married to a man who abused her emotionally, physically and financially.

She said: “When my daughter came to me that day, it was like she was the adult and I was the child.

“I used to think that moment broke my heart, but I realise now that my heart was already broken and that moment saved me.

“I was sick from my husband’s abuse and that day my daughter saved me.

“There was a time when I could not leave my room, even to go to the toilet. I was so scared from the emotional and physical abuse.”

Hestia help women escape when their partners become physically or emotionally abusive 

Salma has lived in the refuge with her two young children for almost three months now.

A devout Muslim, the prospect of divorce was hard and she endured living with her husband for 10 years.

She said: “I’m extremely romantic. I thought when I got married my life would flourish, but it was nothing like I had hoped.

“Every day was a nightmare.”

Weeks after getting married, Salma realised her husband was homosexual.

She said: “I was just a front for him. Something he could show off to his family so they wouldn’t find out about his private life.

“I felt like he had this dark magic over me. He tortured me and took my money. I was completely trapped.”

Salma’s story is harrowing, but not uncommon.

Pooja Aryal is the service manager of Hestia Kingston, and she explains that the majority of the women they see in the refuge are originally from outside the UK.

She said: “We find that the women that come from other countries don’t have the support network that someone from here would have.

“They come here and find themselves isolated with no family, no friends and, quite often, there will be a language barrier that means seeking help is almost impossible.

“An abusive partner can take advantage of these facts, taking any benefit money a woman might be entitled to and leaving her trapped in the home.”

This was the experience of Sara, who lived with her abusive husband for five years.

Originally from South America, like Salma she has also been in the refuge for three months with her two young children.

When talking about her decision to finally leave her husband, she said: “One day, I came into the kitchen and he had all these documents out on the table for me to sign. They said that all of my money and the share of our house belonged to him and I was entitled to nothing if we split up.

“When I said I wasn’t going to sign it, he said he would kill me. I’d seen him with a gun before and I knew he would do it so I had to leave.”

Sara said what she worried most about was her children. She said: “I am especially scared for my little boy. I can see so much of his father in him and it frightens me that he might turn out like that.”

One of the things the women find most difficult is the lack of space in the refuge.

Sara said: “Christmas was hard. You can’t tell your family where you are, you can’t have visitors.

“I know I am better off here. I have to be here because me and my children have nowhere else to go, but I can’t wait to leave and have my own home again.”

Hestia has two stage one refuges in Kingston.

Ms Aryal said: “A stage one refuge is where we house the women and children who are escaping the home. We take them away from the area they have been living in and give them somewhere safe where they can get to.

“They might not have any money and some have few personal possessions, but we will look after them.

“Very few women will stay here less than six months. It often takes them at least that amount of time to get over the trauma they suffered.”

If you need to get in contact, call Hestia on 020 7378 3100 or visit hestia.org.

To find out more about how to donate and get involved with Love Kingston visit love-kingston.org.uk.