Crime has been going down across south London and north Surrey and perhaps the way these criminals approach their profession explains why.

Your Local Guardian:

1/ If you're going to take part in a huge gun-smuggling ring, don't photograph yourself holding a gun, especially if you have a distinctive tattoo.

Prisoner and girlfriend guilty of running machine gun smuggling business using Parcelforce

Your Local Guardian:

2/ Just because you are the son of a sheikh doesn't mean you can lead police on a merry chase through town, especially if your driving is this bad

VIDEO: Sheikh's son leads police on nail-biting chase around Kingston's one way system

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3/ Only in Croydon does a man get attacked from behind with an axe and walk away bragging about it. Liam O'Brien said that the blow to the head felt "like a pillow".

His attacker tried to get away by Gatwick but got that wrong too and is now behind bars for a long time.

Man jailed for 45 months for axe attack outside Croydon bar

Your Local Guardian:

4/ Hide your crack cocaine somewhere - but not your pants. You will get caught.

Crack in his pants - drug dealer found with £1,000 worth of cocaine hidden in his underwear

Your Local Guardian:

5/ She's only young so it seems harsh to add her to the list but when onlookers filmed this assault on a vulnerable boy saying: "I'm trying to tell [her] but she's not listening. She's going to get herself put in jail or something" she didn't listen.

Her line: "I'm gonna smack this yute" uttered in the video which ultimately convicted her made her famous around the world and she was sentenced to time in a young offenders' institution.

VIDEO: 'I'm gonna smack this yute'

Your Local Guardian:

6/ Not a criminal. He came forward and apologised after seeing this video of his extraordinary threatening rant go viral and the police were never involved. But was he dumb? We definitely think so.

VIDEO: Extreme road rage driver identified as master butcher and owner of upmarket Putney, Clapham, Wimbledon and Wandsworth cafes

Your Local Guardian:

7/ When Gary Thompson shouted "Give me the money!" the bank teller replied "f*** off" - so he did. Now behind bars.

Bank robber left empty-handed after cashier told him to f*** off

Your Local Guardian:

8/ Their own CCTV nailed them. But from the grin on convict number two you wouldn't think he minded.

Carshalton drug factory gang's own CCTV helped find them guilty

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9/ Matthew Pirotta attempted to throw the bags into the Thames, but missed...

Teenage drug dealer with cannabis in his pants neary fell in the Thames trying to escape Kingston police

Your Local Guardian:

10/ If you're going to risk your liberty to steal something, don't steal something fake

VIDEO: Thieves steal FAKE fireworks after smashing car through shop window in Bonfire Night 'ram raid'

Your Local Guardian:

11/ Dumb or geniuses? On the one hand they got caught. But on the other; they maintained a huge cannabis factory not far from south London's biggest police station for a long time.

Right under their noses: cannabis factory discovered in derelict nightclub opposite Sutton police station

Have we missed one? Let us know by commenting below