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It's Tim di-Vine
Songs of praise: Tim Vine is bringing us a different sort of sermon in church this week
Songs of praise: Tim Vine is bringing us a different sort of sermon in church this week

Comedy may be a broad church, but it is not often you get to watch comedy in a religious building.

So praise be to Tim Vine, who is previewing new material at the Lantern Arts Centre in Raynes Park Methodist Church this Friday, a full three months before his UK tour.

Christian and proud of it, Vine is a regular at Lantern's Café Studio nights. How his values square with the antics of chatshow-host brother Jeremy is another matter but, since his 2006 tour, Current Puns, Tim has been a regular face on TV too, with a recurring part in BBC sitcom Not Going Out and a short-lived stint on Celebrity Fame Academy.

NG: Does God do comedy?

TV: He invented laughter so I'd think so. Laughter is such a pure thing - you can have the Queen and someone in a ditch in Johannesburg and they will both laugh at a joke.

NG: Who are your favourite stand-ups, past and present?

TV: It is hard to narrow down. When I was growing up, Frankie Howard, Les Dawson, and Sergeant Bilko inspired me. But there are lots of brilliant comics today, too.

NG: Which dead comedian would you bring back to life?

TV: It would probably have to be Phil Silvers, who was Sergeant Bilko. If we could get him back, me and my dad could go and watch Bilko being filmed.

NG: What marks out a south London crowd?

TV: The thing that wins my vote is I can get home easily after the gig. I'm a Cheam boy and decided to make the break so moved to Banstead!

NG: Is there someone else's joke you wish you had written?

TV: There's a joke my dad told me when I was growing up about a guy in charge of a boating lake. He shouts out: Boat number 66, your time is up.' And his assistant says, But sir, we haven't got a Number 66.' So the man yells: Boat number 99, are you in trouble?'.

NG: Can you dance?

TV: I guess I danced on Fame Academy, if you can call it dancing. I managed to stay in that house for two nights. I went too soon, I tell you! You see people getting emotional on those shows and think, Pull yourself together'. But, when you are there, you do feel this lump in your throat. Now I wish I had cried openly. I'd have got the votes. I got asked to do Dancing on Ice but was too frightened of breaking a leg.

NG: When did you last fly?

TV: To see John Archer, who opens for me at my shows. His family live in Stockton-on-Tees and I flew up at Christmas. Who would have thought there was an airport there? You take off and land all in one movement. Of course, to offset my carbon footprint I destroyed 12 aeroplanes. I tried to destroy another one at Heathrow last week but it hit the perimeter wall.

NG: Which celebrity do you think you most resemble?

TV: There are two I get - one I like, the other I don't. People say I look like Peter Davison. But, when I'm abroad, I get Nicolas Cage. So, if people need a vastly cheaper and slightly less talented version of Nicolas Cage, get in touch. I do one-liners. But, let's face it, who needs Nicolas Cage doing one-liners?

NG: What would you cook the Queen if she dropped by?

TV: I'd just give her a cup of tea and some biscuits. She must have to visit so many people that she doesn't want a full meal every time. This country will take a completely different turn when she dies. I don't usually make the trip up to London for the Royal Family but, when she goes, I think I'll have to.

Tim Vine @ Cafe Studio, Lantern Arts Centre, Raynes Park Methodist Church, Tolvern Road, Raynes Park, Friday, January 25, doors 7.30pm, show 8pm, £5 (£4 conc). Call 020 8944 5794 or visit lanternarts.org

4:04pm Thursday 24th January 2008

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